Sober firsts

Hello there and welcome to a brand new blog. It's been a while since we posted one so it's high time for another one. We've been busy bees at HSC hub. Slowly growing numbers on the Facebook group and we were invited onto the mid morning show on BBC Radio Solent to talk about our project. It was very nervy but it's very exciting trying to get our name out there. We understand it'll be a slow process to get where we want, but we'll keep going. 

As for today's blog, I thought I'd write something about the first time I hit certain milestones sober, as opposed to the heavy drinking those occasions used to result in. To be honest, I didn't have much of a social life when I was drinking - all my over indulgence on alcohol happened in the privacy of my own home - and I still don't get out too much these days. Still, I have experienced some events which I had to get through for that first sober time so I'll see where this takes me. I'll also do these in the order in which they occured, starting with:-

DAY ONE

There has to be a day one obviously and in many ways this is the most important day of them all. The start of any journey can feel like a big occasion and embarking on a life of sobriety feels even more so, perhaps momentous. When you hit the point at which you decide to stop, starting that seems scary and daunting. But it's a challenge which we must face. 

As for my first day, in the morning of that Monday 2nd September 2019, instead of the usual self loathing and regret, I felt determined and was willing to embrace the challenge. That was until about two in the afternoon. This was the time when the effects of the previous nights beer would've worn off and the cravings hit. I was angry, frustrated and extremely down. The thoughts of "Maybe I can start tomorrow or next Monday" were soon upon me. NO!! I realised the feelings of frustration and despair were things I simply had to get through. And I did. At the end of that day, it didn't feel particularly seismic, I now know it was. As Gerry Cinnamon sang, "This is the beginning of the rest of your life" 

FIRST TRIP TO FOOTBALL

As an avid Arsenal supporter, I simply love going to North London to watch the boys play. These days were very rare for me because I can't afford it so whenever I had the chance (pre-Covid-19 obvs), I would make the most of it. The last time I went before I stopped drinking, I was in the pub on the beer at 10 in the morning. More drinking in the stadium, a different pub after the match, on the train on the way home and when I got home. Heavy session, you get the idea. 

As I approached the end of my first week sober, I purchased a match ticket. Some people said to me "Are you sure this is a good idea? it's a bit too soon" but the game was another month away so I didn't worry. Of course the day was soon upon me and I was starting to get nervous and anxious. I almost didn't go. As I'd arranged to meet my friend there, I told her everything that'd been going on with me. Having that support was a huge help to me and I think I might well have caved in and drank if I'd been on my own. 

Getting through that day was a huge achievement for me and I felt so happy when I got home. Plus The Arsenal won 1-0 so a great day all round!!!  

AFTER WORK DRINKS 

We used to this loads but these days it's a very rare occurrence. But it's still a laugh and it was something I wanted to do. When I stopped drinking I didn't tell anyone I work with but my friend who I work directly with was a crafty bugger and he figured it out. In truth, when he did so and I opened up about all of it, it actually felt great. 

So, one evening the two of us decided to go the the local pub after work one Friday. He felt really awkward I think, because he wanted to drink. He kept asking if I minded and I told him it was fine. This is my issue and I'll own it and deal with it my way. We were there for a couple of hours and I was sat there with my pint of tap water and ice getting some strange looks but I didn't care.  It was a good laugh and one of the first times I realised that it's the company we keep and NOT the alcohol we consume that makes for a good time. 

CHRISTMAS TIME

This was a big deal for me. I simply could not understand how I could have a great Christmas without being on the sauce pretty much throughout the season. It started on Xmas Eve. I always said the 2 best drinking days of the year were Christmas Eve and FA Cup final day (more on that anon!) and I would spend the whole day getting smashed. This time it was obviously different, and what was a huge blessing in disguise was that my wife had to work so I was at home with my 3 kids. For all the drinky ways I used to have, I would NEVER have put myself in a situation where I was incapable of looking after them.  

Christmas Day and Boxing Day were worse though. I was very low during those days and everything blew up home during the latter day. I think that's the first time I saw how my moods were effecting other people and from that point in the day things started improve. A visit to family (remember when we could do such things?!) and some lovely and refreshing Lime & Soda later I headed home feeling proud of myself and stronger. Maybe I could do this?! 

MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES

In the early part of the year, things took a distinctly dark turn for me which resulted in a visit to my doctor and I was put on anti depressants. During this time I thought - on more than one occasion - that I couldn't maintain my sobriety. I kept telling myself that it wasn't worth it and I'd be happier if I started drinking again. My wife pointed out to me that it would be a false happiness. She was right of course and I decided just to let the bad feelings sit with me in the hope that things would improve. Thankfully they did and although I'm still taking ADs, I feel in a much better place right now. 

MY BIRTHDAY

Like Christmas time, I couldn't quite comprehend a sober birthday. Even though I'd been sober for a while and was generally comfortable with it, I found my birthday quite tough. We went out for a meal at a beautiful country pub on a gloriously sunny July day but I felt uneasy the whole time. When I got home the only thing I could think to do to help lift my mood was to go for a lie down!!! It did the trick and the evening passed with tea and a nice relaxing time. 

FA CUP FINAL DAY

As mentioned above, one of the best days of the year to be drinking back in the old days. This year I wouldn't even have bothered with it but my team were in it!! When I was younger, the days when my team would be playing in these kind of games would again be spent in the pub all day. Celebrating with friends after if we'd been victorious (or drowning sorrows if not) it was all I knew really. 

On this particular winning occasion (GET IN!!!!!!) after the game was done and dusted,  I went to bed with a high that I'd never had with drink. It was like I'd got over a mountain and could only see good times ahead. Good times which did not involve alcohol.  

So, there you have some of my sober experiences. The only thing I haven't done yet is a holiday - we were supposed to go to Torquay in July but couldn't due to Covid - and I might be a bit worried about that when the time comes. I'll cross that particular bridge when I come to it. 

Thanks for sticking with this, it's not my best work but I do enjoy writing these blogs and I hope you enjoy reading them. Also, apologies for the football references but it's a huge part of my life even though I appreciate it's not everybody's cup of tea, I hope you didn't mind be referencing it. 

Until next time,

Phil.